I’ve still been whining about him leaving. I’ve whined about it before he left. I’ve cried about it when he was there to hold me. I’ve cried about it when he walked through the gates at the airport. I’ve cried about it after. I’ve whined about it after. I’ve whined about crying.

And here I am, it’s just day 2 without S.

And apart from the mornings when I wake up to an empty space beside me and realize he left (all over again), I think I’m getting along okay.

Oh and apart from last night when I called him and heard his voice but couldn’t see or touch him, and we were in different time zones again – I was reminded that he left, all over again.

Okay, so maybe I’m not getting along that great yet. But it’s only day 2. I think I deserve the time to “mourn”. Saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is utter rubbish. I’ve heard this a million times and I honestly appreciate the support everyone’s trying to give. I feel truly blessed to have such an amazing group of people I can rely on. But it is at its fondest – and this line sounds like I’m expected to feel even shittier with longer absence!

“3 months isn’t so long” is also another common line, because I’m likely to go over in July. I’m absolutely excited to go over, I’d love to see his side for a change. Because since we started, he came over thrice. But 3 months really is long when you see someone everyday for a while. If you’re attached, I’ll bet you whine when your partner’s gone for 2 weeks. A friend whined about his girl leaving for a weekend trip for crying out loud, but that’s extreme. And if I were to count, I have 13.5 weeks to go, and the date isn’t even set yet.

So forgive me for whining. I think I’ll channel the whining here instead of driving my dear friends up the wall. Some have decided forcefully that I need to get out and hang with friends and forget about it. But respectfully, I don’t want to forget about it. I want to cling onto it until what remains is a distant memory. Before that happens, I want to talk about it over and over. And don’t worry, I won’t sink into depression.

I just want to “mourn”.


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